A lot of people talk about being pregnant, not that many people talk about giving birth, but even fewer people, I would probably say almost no one, talks about what happens after you give birth. No, I`m not talking about feeling like you have been hit by a bus, the swolen, sore boobs or the first post birth shit.
I`m talking about the big changes in your relationships after having a baby.
Relationships do change. Big time.
First, with yourself.
You have to learn how to be at peace with your new body. If you`re one of those mums who walks out of the hospital size 6 good for you, but I wasn`t one of those (more on that in another post).
Second, with your partner ( if you are doing this alone, remember, you`re a badass).
You have gone from being just the two of you to now being a family of three or more.
Third, I am talking about the relationships with your family and friends.
When I was younger, I imagined how it would be when I had children of my own. My family would be with me to help for months , I couldn`t fight off all of the people who would want to come by and see me and the baby but, oh boy, was I wrong about that.
Don`t get me wrong, this still might be the case for a lot of people, it`s just not the case for me.
Unfortunately (or fortunately) my family doesn`t live close by. If I want to be precise, my parents live 1,463 miles away. Having a newborn and not having anyone really around to help is not ideal but it is manageable, as I have found out in the last four months.
What I didn`t realise would change so much were my friendships.
My only real friends with kids of their own, live about as far from me as my parents. The rest of my friends that live closer either don`t have any kids yet, or are not planing to have them ever.
When I wasn`t a mama myself I still had these friends who had kids, and I could never wait to go and cuddle with them. Even when I wasn`t into the idea of kids I still didn`t mind them.
So you could understand my surprise when after having a baby, my “friendships” started to dissolve.
It crept up slowly.
For the first couple of months or so you are in your own little family bubble, you don`t really notice what is going on that much. But after a while, when you feel like you’ve got this new baby thing down and you start to plan what to do, you realise that you haven`t seen any of your friends that recently.
It`s a bit like a break up that comes out of nowhere to be honest.
- At first, you think this was your fault – “What did I do wrong?”
- Then, you try to mend it.
- And lastly you just feel angry and think: “well, that`s a bit shit”!
Have I really changed that much? Am I not the same friend you had 5 months ago? Can I not be fun anymore and all I do is talk about my baby?
Basically, what I wanted to say with all of this is, if you are in a similar situation, don`t automatically assume it is your fault.
Maybe they changed, not you.